


Perchance to Dream

by junko



Series: Scatter and Howl [16]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 20:09:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3868171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The morning after Byakuya's birthday has been rough on both of them.  Renji and Byakuya decide to try a trip to the sento to work out the kinks, as it were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perchance to Dream

Standing up and yawning, Renji glanced around the bedroom for his clothes. He found them stacked on the tansu where he left them last night. His reach for them was stopped by Byakuya’s question: “Do you have time for a bath? With everyone busy packing, the onsen is bound to be deserted.”

Renji was pulling a double shift today. He didn’t want to show up late again, either, because he’d been doing that a lot to Nanako. He started to say ‘no,’ but reconsidered when he glanced over his shoulder at Byakuya. There was nothing on Byakuya’s face, of course, no sign of emotion at all. His eyes were doing that downcast thing where they seemed almost closed, like he might be sleeping sitting up. But, there was something about the way he held himself, so very still, that clued Renji in. 

After the shit Renji’d been saying, they needed something like this.

“Yeah,” Renji said. He’d just have to make it up to Nanako somehow. Shifting his shoulders to work out the pops and the kinks, he said, “After last night, a soak in the hot springs sound fucking fantastic. Besides, I haven’t heard about how your birthday went.”

Byakuya seemed pleased. He got out of bed and, even though he was dressed in his yukata, he went to the changing room and started to rummage around. “It was boring,” Byakuya said. Finding what he was looking for, he handed Renji his tattered cherry blossom robe. “I was lonely. I spent the entire time anticipating you.”

A wolfish grin crossed Renji’s face at the thought of Byakuya spending the whole day thinking about having sex with him. As Renji accepted the robe, he captured Byakuya’s hand. Pulling Byakuya closer, he stole a kiss. Though with his hair down and such a mess, he mostly pressed his hair against Byakuya’s lips. He blew it out of the way, kissed him again and asked, “Worth it, eh?”

Byakuya’s eyes opened and met his. “Very.” Byakuya’s fingers reached up and captured Renji’s jaw, drawing his face down. They were nearly nose to nose. Byakuya had to tilt his head up just a little to look at Renji, in that way the made Renji feel sexy. “It was all right for you, wasn’t it?”

Renji almost groaned out loud. There was a reason Renji usually kept his inner thoughts bottled up and this was it. The little worry line in the middle of Byakuya’s forehead was killing him. He used his thumb to try to smooth it out. “Hey. Don’t look at me like that, huh? I woke up a bit wobbly is all.”

The cherry blossom robe fell to the floor and the fingers of Byakuya’s hand curled around Renji’s. His other thumb continued to stroke Renji’s jaw, scratching the hint of stubble there. “I suppose we should have considered the psychological aspects of kinbaku. I admit I can be very remiss because you’re otherwise so strong.”

“Says the guy who can push me to the floor with his reiatsu,” Renji laughed, breaking away.

Byakuya let him go. Quietly, he said: “I forget that, too.”

Renji frowned, not liking Byakuya’s forlorn tone. He knew he shouldn’t have said shit about Rose. But, Byakuya had pressed him, and people always say that bull about honesty being a good policy. Stooping, he picked the robe off the floor. He shouldered it on, and said, “C’mon, I want to soap up your whole body and run my hands…” Renji trailed off, because this was more than what was normally allowed and adding ‘if you’ll let me’ made everything all awkward again because it highlighted the difference between Byakuya and… other people. 

Fuck. Why did he ever talk? Some people used gags during sex, but Renji figured he needed one most afterwards.

Byakuya's face was a mask again, but he nodded. “Yes. That would be nice.”

#

Byakuya spent the quick dash across the sleet-smudged garden mentally preparing for Renji’s affection. 

He disliked being pawed at tremendously, but Renji had proven himself trustworthy over the last several months. It was very rare that he forgot himself. Beyond that, Byakuya had a safe word; he could use it. Though he’d feel ridiculous having to say ‘Ichigo’ just because he couldn’t cope with the overload of sensations and the terrifying unpredictability of unbridled passion. 

“I would do better,” Byakuya said as they reached the sentō’s backdoor, “If you went slowly.”

“What?” 

Renji had slid the door open for Byakuya, and so he ducked around Renji’s arm to pass through. Byakuya let out a breath. He hated repeating himself because it had often been so difficult to get the words out the first time around. “Slowly. When you touch me, go slowly.”

The look Renji gave him was difficult for Byakuya to parse. Was it sadness? Then he smiled kindly, “Babe, I wasn’t planning on nothing. The minute I said that I knew it was a mistake.”

Now Byakuya felt a strange rush of disappointment, albeit mixed with relief. “Oh.”

Renji slipped off his sandals at the threshold and padded his way across the moist tiles to the changing room, leaving Byakuya staring after him. 

Clutching his clothes and Senbonzakura, Byakuya frowned at the wall that now hid Renji from view. The onsen’s hot steam filled the air with a slightly metallic tang. The spring gurgled and bubbled in the stone-lined pool. A quiet, peaceful sound, but Byakuya could feel his heart dropping like a stone into water, sinking, unhurriedly, ever downward.

Renji loved him. Byakuya had no doubt. 

Byakuya had never doubted Hisana’s love either, and yet…

_I’m sorry. I cannot repay the love you gave me._

That’s what she had said. Her very last words had undercut everything he’d thought they’d had all those years. She said their time together had been like a beautiful dream, but a dream isn’t reality, is it? Even now, decades later, he worried that perhaps he never noticed what went unsaid between them. 

Why did she feel she owed him anything?

Had she not given everything?

Had she held something back and he never noticed?

Was Renji preparing to do the same? To be present, but drifting away, as though in a dream? Would some future day come when Renji apologized for not having been present or, worse, for having kept some kind of ledger of affection owed or banked?

Renji’s head peeked around the wall. “Hey, you okay?”

“It would be all right,” Byakuya insisted, determined not to fail at such a simple thing. He would not incur debt over a touch refused. “I can do this for you.”

“Aw, Byakuya,” Renji said, coming out from the showers naked, soapy streams sluicing down that finely cut body. Flame red hair had been dulled to a deep crimson by moisture and, despite the water’s heaviness, continued to defy gravity with its spiky stiffness. “I don’t want you to be what you’re not. Fuck. I guess I did kind of ask for that, but I was a fucking moron when I said that, okay?” Renji reached out and put a hand on Byakuya’s shoulder. Hot wetness soaked through the silk, but Renji’s grip was pleasantly firm and grounding. All his emotions showed in his face, every last one. “You really want to, we can. But, seriously, it isn’t fun for me when it isn’t fun for you.”

Yes, of course. Perhaps it was as simple as that: Renji trying to be respectful and kind. But what if kindness was the very thing that turned him away, bit by bit, until there was nothing left? 

It wasn’t like Byakuya didn’t know that Renji would walk away and give up on love if he thought it was what the other person needed.

“I do want it,” Byakuya insisted, and then, more honestly: “Just a little. Like you suggested. You can wash my back.”

Renji smiled, giving Byakuya’s shoulder a final squeeze before letting it go. “You know I’m always up for that.” 

Renji held out his hands and Byakuya stared at him for a moment, until realizing that what Renji wanted was to carry his clothes for him. 

Even so, Renji looked surprised when Byakuya handed everything over, including Senbonzakura. He stared at the zanpakutō with wide eyes and then, inexplicably, he blushed. He shook his head at something and then followed Byakuya into the shower/changing area. “You know,” Renji said bashfully, after setting Byakuya’s clothes in a cubby and reverently setting Senbonzakura next to Zabimaru along the wall. “I… would love to undress you.” He coughed and, as though trying to clear the huskiness from his voice. His eyes had gone all bashful and coy, unable to meet Byakuya’s surprised expression. “Thing is, uh… you kind of… that is, I felt very worshiped last night. It’d be cool to return the favor.”

“Oh?” Worshiped? What did this new development involve? Was this sex or something else entirely? More importantly: “Will it be slow?”

“Yes,” Renji assured him. His gaze came up to meet Byakuya’s steadily. “Very.”

“Very well. Proceed.”

#

Renji thought Byakuya looked very uncertain about this whole proposal. 

To be fair, the idea just sort of popped into Renji’s head as one thing and then went all sexy because it was way to easy to imagine going down on his knees and pulling open the yukata ties with his teeth.

But maybe Byakuya didn’t want to go there? 

Maybe he didn’t either. 

After all, they’d been going from zero to sixty a lot lately. Slow sounded good. Renji always did like an excuse to linger.

Renji gently hooked his thumbs under the folds of Byakuya’s yukata at the collar. He didn’t do anything else right away. He just let his hands sit there a moment, feeling the coolness of Byakuya’s skin beneath his knuckles and the tick of his heartbeat.

Fuck, yeah. Renji had forgotten how sexy and exciting it was just to be near Byakuya, to stand close, touch. Without the kenseikan to hold it in place, Byakuya’s hair looked like spilled ink. The harsh bite of winter wind, or their conversation, had brought a hint of color to his pale cheeks. The combination made Byakuya look especially young and vulnerable. Leaning in, Renji took in a deep breath to capture that special ‘Byakuya’ smell. Yeah, even over the tangy scent of the onsen, there it was, that combination of jasmine and the musky odor of man. Renji smiled.

Byakuya was looking at him funny, kind of all curious-like, when Renji pulled back. “I would have thought by now that you’d have caught my scent, Renji. Do I still elude you?”

“Heh,” Renji chuckled. “Your smell is complicated. I can never get enough of it.”

Dark brows knitted together briefly. “Is that so? You appreciate my… complexities?”

Renji nodded. He let his hands slide down an inch or two of Byakuya’s chest and come back up. He was rewarded with an almost imperceptible shiver from Byakuya. “If I didn’t like your complexities, there wouldn’t be much for me, would there?”

It was meant to bring out a smile, but Byakuya seemed sad when he agreed, “I suppose not.”

“Hey, what’s this? You thinking I’m pining after a simpler affair?”

Byakuya’s eyes met Renji’s steadily. “I can be difficult to love.”

“No shit,” Renji agreed with a smile to soften his words. “But that’s just it, isn’t it? I’m in love.” He let his fingers play with the collar of the yukata while he talked, “Believe me, I didn’t want to be, at first. When it hit me how deep I was in, I threw up remember?”

Byakuya looked skeptical. “Are you suggesting you were in love with me already the night of your terrible poetry?”

Renji lifted a hand to trace Byakuya’s lips with a finger. “Yep.” He tapped Byakuya’s lower lip in faux admonishment. “And don’t lie. You loved my poetry.”

“I do,” Byakuya said with an imperious sniff. “And you know I do, yet, have I ever received more? Here it is, past my birthday, and not even a stanza to show for it.”

Renji could feel the wide grin on his face. “You telling me I should’ve just written you some shit poetry instead of getting myself all tied up last night?”

“Not ‘shit,’” Byakuya corrected, “’Heartfelt.’ And, I see nothing wrong with receiving both.”

That set Renji to laughing. “All right, next time you tie me up, I’ll work on composing a haiku for you.”

“Do,” Byakuya said as though it was decided, but Renji could hear the tease in his voice and see the twinkle in his eye.

“Damn you’re beautiful when you’re being a snarky ass,” Renji said, leaning down to kiss Byakuya’s lips. Byakuya’s mouth parted, drawing him in. The hand that had been on Byakuya’s lips found its way into the silky strands of hair at the side of Byakuya’s head. Tongues teased and tasted. Not for the first time, Renji wondered what Byakuya experienced when they kissed like this, especially since, somehow, Byakuya’s mouth always held the hint of something delicious—tea, mango, and salty fish. 

Byakuya’s reiatsu brushed lightly against Renji as they kissed, a tentative sort of touch, not unlike the dance their tongues were doing. Renji never felt he was much good at reiatsu play but he relaxed into it, trying to signal with what power he had that Byakuya should just go ahead and explore. But, Byakuya’s reiatsu nudged at him until he relented and tried to match the subtle back-and-forth.

The reiatsu felt like thousand fingers entwining… no, more like snake-tongues, flicking in and out, feather-like, in a feel-taste-smell-touch way. Tendrils circled and danced. Byakuya led both the kiss and the reiatsu dance, because Renji was focusing so hard on not just going into shikai mode or shaking the tiles up off the floor.

 _Pfft, you have more skill than you know_ , rumbled Zabimaru.

The other hissed, _What are our joints but reiatsu?_

Byakuya’s hands, which had been hanging at his sides, reached up and grasped Renji’s naked hips. His fingers jumped away, seeming a bit surprised at first, as though he’d forgotten Renji was nude, but then his hands settled happily again. 

They kissed for a long time, mingling reiatsu, Renji trusting his skill enough to give Byakuya a kind of mental hug, and then, finally, Byakuya sighed against Renji’s teeth happily. 

Pulling away, Renji caught Byakuya’s gaze and held it. It looked like they’d worked themselves to a better place, but Renji had a flash of inspiration. “Hey, I got something for you,” Renji said seriously. Clearing his throat he quoted, “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day… Because you’re really fucking hot.”

Byakuya laughed, and Renji knew everything was going to be all right between them. 

“C’mon,” he said, undoing Byakuya’s robe casually. “Let’s get in the water.”

**Author's Note:**

> Renji's corruption/improvement of the sonnet was not my brilliance, but that of Tumblr poster: [monkifuraibo](http://monkifuraibo.tumblr.com/post/117115677911/renji-shall-i-compare-thee-to-a-summers). It fit so nicely with Renji's previous poetry that I had to find a way to include it. So thank you to monkifuraibo for the inspiration/words! (I stole them, but I hope you appreciate how they were used here.)
> 
> And, yes, Senbonzakura said something to Renji when Byakuya handed the zanpakutō over to him. I didn't say anything about it in the text, but it will come out later, I imagine.
> 
> Also, Hisana's last words have long bothered me. The above is me trying to untangle why.


End file.
